His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
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