left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
