be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I fill condoms, not promises.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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