i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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