Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
