I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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