so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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