everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
