she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize