before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
