clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize