...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
