im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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