My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I didn't notice because vodka
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
