Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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