Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
