Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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