I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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