I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
As shirtless as possible
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
