dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
