i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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