You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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