I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
