is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize