hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
