Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
