it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize