I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
