Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
