Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
