just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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