My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
