he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize