I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
