Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
