when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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