Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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