And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
