he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
