I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize