You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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