my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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