she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Randomize
