I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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