I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
