she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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