I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
