did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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