Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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