I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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