can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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