ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
