I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Still dying that you shit outside
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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