You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
