The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize