my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
