Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
