i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
