bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
