Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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