just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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