____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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