What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
