Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
