I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
