By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
