Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Houston, we have a squirter
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
